Frugal Living vs Social Life: Do I Have To Choose?

The longer I go with debt payoff being my numero uno priority, the more I notice that my lifestyle and financial priorities are not the same as my friends and general peer group.

Some of this is, I believe, due to living in Austin. Austin is a young town where lots of people are either currently in the service industry (catering, bartenders, waiters) or have spent a few years there. That kind of lifestyle doesn’t lend itself to saving, investing or frugal living. It’s hard work for not that much money.

best-ways-to-save-money-copy-1000x620Delicious, but not helping you save.

Often service industry folks go out together after a shift, spending the money they literally just made. Getting paid in cash tips makes it easy to spend and hard to save. Most restaurants and coffee shops don’t offer 401K’s or any sort of benefits. A lot of people working in these places don’t have any higher education or they’re currently working through it.

I have cut my going out way, way down. Like, basically to nothing. If it’s not free, I’m not doing it. My entertainment these days includes movies at home, hiking, walks in the evening and free lectures or shows around town. I also usually spend my weekends catering, meaning prime going out time is spent working. This past weekend I catered 6.5 hours Saturday afternoon and night and 8.5 hours on Sunday. I didn’t get a whole lot of down time this weekend.

None of my friends have this mindset. Some of the are debt-free and making decent to good money, so they don’t have the concerns I do. Some of them are in the same debt situation as I am, but don’t have the same priority level about it that I do. Both of those are fine- no one can be me except for me! However, these differing mindsets do put a damper on my social life.

When my friends suggest going to brunch, I refuse. When they suggest picking up Chinese for dinner, I pass. When they want to buy tickets to a concert in Dallas and spend the night (it’s a four hour drive), I am definitely out. All of those things are beyond my means right now.

I don’t mean to sound jealous or bitter, because the truth of the matter is, I like living frugally. I like knowing that I am crushing my debt, that I am beginning to save for retirement, that next year I’ll be able to take myself to Europe (frugally, of course!) I like living simply and minimally. It’s been hugely beneficial for my mental health, my wallet, my consumer footprint and my time management skills.

I used to spend hours on websites looking at clothes or art prints I wanted but knew I could never buy. I used to cycle through clothes simply because I’d owned them for ‘too long’ (even if they were in good condition!) I used to use my credit card to finance nights out, knowing I really shouldn’t.

I don’t do any of those things anymore. As a result, I generate less waste, I have a great credit score, and I am more organized in how I spend my time. I really like that! My room takes about 10 minutes to clean and I lose way fewer items simply because I don’t have that much stuff. I dislike clutter and knick-knacks and I would rather see my money in my bank accounts and investments than in my closet.


I disagree Ms. Bradshaw.

 Those things, I am finding out, make me different from a lot of people in my life. I am having to choose between my frugal lifestyle or my friends at times and it’s a major bummer. While sometimes I can convince people to join me for a walk or a free yoga class, more often I am excusing myself from fun times that cost dollar bills. Occasionally I question myself: am I obsessed with money to the detriment of other parts of my life?

I really don’t think so. While this month I am being particularly frugal, I have no problem spending money on things that add to my quality of life. Brunch and drinks every weekend don’t fall into that category. I think I am making huge strides in an area that has haunted me for the past few years. I think I am making responsible choices for my future. I think I still see most of my friends a few times a month. I think that being slightly out of step with my peers is worth it for my personal goals. It stings at times, but ultimately the path I’ve begun walking down is proving every day to be one that I am liking.

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14 Replies to “Frugal Living vs Social Life: Do I Have To Choose?”

  1. I agree with you. You’ve made the personal decision to wrestle your finances into shape so that you control them instead of the other way around. The sacrifices you make to reach your goals can be tough at times and do indeed sting. However, when you have all of your debt behind you, you will be happy for the opportunity your sacrifices have given you as well as the security and stability of being debt free.
    Keep doing your thing and working your plan, it’s for you…not your friends.

  2. Your last sentence is the whole of it: it’s for me, not them. I have to live my own life and be honest about how I want to do it. My friends are wonderful people too, and they all think I’m a little nuts but also have been pretty supportive!

  3. It’s sounds like you’re doing an awesome job! I’ve found that people are usually up for a different kind of fun as long as they don’t have to plan it. Have you tried inviting people over to your place more often? A beer from a grocery store is $1 instead of $6!

    1. Hanging at my house is my go to! Since I work from home it’s easy to default to being here. I’ve been trying to go out into the world more to broaden my horizons/not go stir-crazy! =)

      1. Oof, that would be harder! Working in an office, all I want to do is sit on my couch 🙂

  4. I have this problem too, and not just with money. It’s also that most socializing opportunities are diet killers! If you like the outdoor, doing a picnic or hike together are two great options to save money and eat healthfully 🙂

    1. My friends and I do take a lot of walks, which I’m grateful for. Sticking to goals can be tough but so worth it in the end!

  5. […] written before about the trade-off you sometimes make when you are focusing on financial goals like debt pay-off […]

  6. “It’s been hugely beneficial for my mental health, my wallet, my consumer footprint and my time management skills.”

    You are so inspiring!

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  11. I absolutely hate spending money on entertainment … We have netflix and high speed internet – between these, most of kids entertainment and occasional wknd movies work for us. Libraries provide free entertainment, esp the ebooks and online streaming videos… I also use the physical library as well.

    I also volunteer my skills and that provides me with some social life of meeting new people while helping the community.

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